Movie Reviews

from Dogma

by Kevin Smith

Jay: You know that guy, Hughes?

That fuckin' guy. He made this flick, "Sixteen Candles." Not bad. There's tits in it, but no bush... But Ebert over here don't give a shit about that kind of thing 'cause he's, like, all in love with this John Hughes guy. He goes out and rents, like, every one of his movies. Fuckin' "Breakfast Club," where all these stupid kids actually show up for detention. Fuckin' "Weird Science," where this chick wants to take her gear off and get down, but oh, no, she don't 'cause it's a PG movie. And then, "Pretty in Pink," which I can't even watch with this tubby bitch anymore, 'cause every time we get to the part where the redhead hooks up with her dream guy, he starts sobbin' like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit.

And there's nothing worse than watchin' a fuckin' fat man weep.