I'm A Winner

From Married With Children

By Al Aidekman

Al Bundy: You think I'm a loser? Why; because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born?

Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every day when I wake up in the morning, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep.

So I get up. I have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no gas, no upholstery, and six more payments. I fight honking traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you.

I'll never play football like I wanted to. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never know the joy of driving through the city without a bag over my head.

But I'm not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what they wanted to be, is out there, being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week, for life!

And the fact that I didn't put a gun in my mouth years ago -- that little fact makes me a winner, baby!