Coming Out

From Visiting Mr. Green

By Jeff Baron

Ross:  She started crying.  I kept saying, "Mom, it's okay.  I'm really happy.  You've met him.  He's a great guy."  But she stopped listening.  And we never talked about it again.  From that day on, whenever I was around, she was extremely cheerful.  Like, "Let's pretend you're still at Harvard and none of this is happening."  It was creepy.  My dad, on the other hand, just stopped talking to me.  Completely.  He wouldn't even look at me. No one had ever treated me this way.  And this was in my own house.  My own parents.  I didn't know what to do. 

I became completely self-conscious.  Am I acting gay?  Do I talk like I'm gay?  Do I walk like I'm gay?  Is this a gay tie?  My mission in life was to never say or do anything that might make someone think I was gay.  So I told Paul to stop calling me at the office.  And I wouldn't go anywhere in public with him.  I still loved him and he still loved me, but...I was just so uncomfortable.  I didn't know what to do.  So...I ended it.  I never saw him again. 

After a while, I started dating women, which got my father to talk to me again.  Well, that, and moving up the corporate ladder.  I went out with a series of nice women who fell in love with me and I couldn't figure out why I put up this... this wall.  What was I going to say?  "I'm gay, I'm trying really hard not to be.  Please be patient while I conduct this experiment."  Finally I just stopped dating. 

(After a pause) 

These days you're always hearing about gay this and gay that, and I think okay, lots of people are dealing with it.  Then I go to a club or a gay event, where I stay an average of six seconds.  That's how terrified I am.  You know what I'm afraid of?  Meeting someone I like.  Then what'll I do?  Will I tell my parents?  Will I treat him like I treated Paul?  So I haven't touched or kissed another person in four years.  I sort of got used to it.  I thought I did.  But when you started telling me about your life with Mrs. Green...how happy you were together and then what you said about coming home to an empty apartment...I'm not used to it.  I hate it.